Uno, dos One, two, tres, quatro
Hey, Wooly Bully
Watch it now Watch it
Here it comes Here it comes
Watch it now He get you
Matty told Hatty
'Bout a thing she saw
Had two big horns
And a wooly jaw Wooly bully
That's right
Wooly bully Wooly bully
Hatty told Matty
Let's don't take no chance
Let's not be L-seven
Come and learn to dance Wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Watch it now, watch it watch it, watch it
Hey
That's right
Right, right, right
Hey, wooly bully Watch it now, watch it
Here it comes Here it comes
Matty told Hatty
'Bout a thing she saw
- Freddie! - I dropped something.
- Ralph, talk to him. - And a wooly jaw
- Listen to your father. - Wooly bully
Come on. From over there, we can see Cape Cod.
We were just on Cape Cod. We could have stayed there.
I would have saved $12.
Allen, sweetheart, don't you wanna see Cape Cod?
All right, darling. You know where we are if you change your mind.
Allen!
He's over there!
Oh, my God!
- Allen! Allen. - Thanks a lot. Thanks. You okay, Allen?
- Get me a towel. A towel. - Sweetheart!
- Get me a towel. Thanks a lot. - How could you do that?
Get inside. Come on.
Augie, pick up line four, please. Augie, line four.
- Where are my cherries? - Mr. McCullough, they came in...
but there was a fog upstate and the highway patrol...
Where are my cherries? If I don't have my cherries in five minutes...
you don't get your money and you starve and you die.
Jerry!
Jerry, where the hell are McCullough's cherries?
Oh, they're here, but you gotta take a look at this stuff, man.
Uh, Mr. McCullough, uh, be right back.
Where are my cherries?
Aw, Augie, where the hell you grow these things, under your arms?
Jesus. Snails with stems. Forget it. Get 'em outta here.
- Get him outta here. - You got it.
Bauer. Yeah, thank you.
- Hi, honey. What's up? - Look, you know. We get a lot of rain.
- The cherries get a little slime. - Honey, I can't hear you.
- Now, you agreed to take these off our hands. - Can I call you back?
- When the hell did I agree to that? - Not you, your brother.
Ah. All right. Victoria, I can't hear ya.
Look, what I'm doing is important too. I'll call ya right back.
So my brother bought your slimy cherries?
Yeah. Me and Freddie, we were playin' poker. He had two pair.
I had a flush. He had no cash, so, uh, we worked this out.
Who put this goddam fruit here?
I'm all right, if anyone's concerned.
- Good mornin', Freddie. - Allen! Allen!
- Bauer, I want a simple "yes" or "no." - One more second, Mr. McCullough.
I made it! I'm in Penthouse magazine! They printed my letter!
- They printed my letter! - Ah, listen, I'm very, very happy...
I'm in the Forum section. The story's entitled "A Lesbian No More."
They printed every word I wrote. It's a beautiful story.
Here, I want copies of this for everybody. Augie!
- Hey! - Hey, good to see you!
- Great game the other night. We gotta do that more often, you know? - Freddie?
- This guy's a great poker player. - Can I talk to you upstairs, please? Come on.
- Cheats like a son of a bitch. - Freddie, you and I have to talk.
What is it? The missing petty cash? It was the cleaning girl.
- I don't care about that. - You don't?
- No. - Then it was me. I admit the whole thing.
Well, I still don't care about it, Freddie.
I love this guy! Do you hear me? I love him! Give me a kiss.
- Oh, Freddie. - Give your older brother a kiss.
- What's the matter? You too big? - No. Freddie! Oh.
I love this guy's head. Hey, curly.
- Here's a buck. Go watch my car. - Oh! Where are my...
Mr. McCullough, your cherries, yes. Uh, believe me when I tell you...
that you're not gonna be satisfied with what we have for you.
Okay, Bauer, you're ruined. Everyone's gonna know that you left me dry.
You're finished! You're a ghost in this business!
- How'd you like some bananas at cost? - Deal!
Jerry, set up our friend Mr. McCullough bananas at cost.
Allen, wait a minute. I've gotta get outta here early today, remember?
Aw, gee, that's right. Yeah. Today's the big day, huh?
Yeah. Now don't forget. Ushers have to be there early too. Okay?
- I'll be there yesterday. - Right.
Will someone please get those Jonathans off the truck?
Are there any messages, Mrs. Stimler?
Yes.
Uh, what are they?
Huh? Oh! Uh, your father called.
He wants you to call him back.
Um, Mrs. Stimler, our father passed away about five years ago.
Do you remember?
Right. Uh...
Uh, should I get him for you?
No, no, no. We'll... Uh, I'll take care of it.
You j... You just get back to work. Okay?
- What's with her? - Oh, she had a little accident over the weekend.
Got hit in the head by some lightning.
Aw, it is not funny, Freddie. It's not funny.
I'm sorry. That's not funny. That's not funny.
Besides, she's okay. She can still do certain things around the office.
Like what? Jump start a car?
Jump start a car!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - What the hell are you doin' down here?
Maybe I went to the, uh, Club "A" last night.
Somethin' new for you.
Maybe I met Mr. Buyrite, the owner of Buyrite Supermarkets.
Maybe we had a few drinks.
And maybe, just maybe, we're his new produce suppliers.
I'm proud of you! That's great! Which store?
Not "which store." The whole chain.
I hope you are joking with me right now.
Think big, be big, my friend. He was a Green Beret colonel.
I made up a story about you being wounded in 'Nam, and he wants to do business.
Now, he's coming around this morning to check out the operation.
This morning? Great, Freddie. This is only chaos down here.
- Augie brings me slimy cherries from upstate. - So what? So what?
- Jerry's getting married tomorrow night. Did you realize that? - So what?
- I was out drinking with this bum all night long. I'm busting my buns... - I haven't picked up my tuxedo this evening...
- all night drinking with this guy gettin' a big deal. - All the way up on East 47th Street.
- Come on. You can handle this, Allen. Come on. Relax. - For cryin' out loud.
- Oh, yeah. I'll handle it fine. No problem. - You'll handle... Clean up the desk.
- Why does it always look like a pig sty here? - Don't touch the desk. Leave the desk alone.
- Do what I do. Throw it in the drawer. - Don't touch... I have a system on the desk!
- Phone for you. - What? Oh.
Yes! Oh. Yeah. All right.
Thank you, thank you. Hi, Victoria. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I meant to call you back. I forgot.
What's the matter? Your voice sounds funny.
What? Now?
You're moving out of the apartment now while we're talking on the phone.
Well, yeah, I know we were gonna talk about it, but...
Victoria, this is... This is a little impulsive, don't you think?
- If we were married, you wouldn't just move out like this. - She might do that. Sure.
- Will you get off? - Was that you?
- Get off the phone. Put it... No, no, no, no. Not you, Victoria, no. - I'm so sorry!
- No. - I didn't know you were on the phone. Tell a guy.
What do you mean, do I love you?
Well, I...
W-Well, we-we met and, and I, uh...
W-Well, you moved in, didn't ya?
W... It's... No, it's just that it's a very complicated thing that...
Hey. Do you love me, huh?
Well, there you go.
There she went.
- Now, what a huge wedding this is. - I know. I wonder if Cindy's here.
- Oh, my God. You... - Cindy! Hi!
- How are you? - How are you? How are you?
- Excuse me. - Oh, you look so pretty. So pretty.
- Okay. - Oh, very...
- Oh, darn! - Aw!
My flash never works on this thing. Figures. My mother-in-law gave it to me.
- Get up. - What?
- That was embarrassing when you were ten, Freddie.
Look, if something works for me, I stick with it.
I've been doin' a lot of thinking. I gotta get more involved in the business, and I intend to.
I mean that this time. I-I'm going to.
I know the business. I was there at the beginning with Dad. Remember?
I just... I just wanna know if... Do we sell fruit and vegetables, or is it just fruit?
You know, by the time I came home, she was already gone.
- Victoria left, huh? - Yeah.
You know why she left me, Freddie?
- Because I didn't love her. - That bitch.
Hi. Hi. Anywhere but the first three rows.
- Anywhere but the first three rows. - Hey!
- Hi, Freddie. Hey, Allen, where's Victoria? - Hi.
- Oh, uh, she, uh, she's sick and, uh, she can't make it. - Aw.
That's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that. See you.
Hey!
Why didn't I love her, Freddie, huh? Can you answer me that? Why didn't I love her?
I mean, she... She had everything. She was...
She was bright, she was sensitive, she was beautiful.
- Hey, Allen! - Hi. Hi.
- Uh, where's Victoria? - Uh, flu. Bad flu.
She's very sick, and she can't make it because of the flu.
- Give her my love, will you? - You bet. Sure.
I can't even give her my love, Freddie.
I'm telling you, something... Something in here, it's not working.
There are worse organs not to be working.
Hi, guys. Hey, Bauer, where's that pretty lady of yours?
She's not coming, okay? What? Do you want your money back?
Well, I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best, huh?
- Hey, Allen. - She left me! She moved out!
My life's a shambles! Okay? That's the news. You want the weather?
Anywhere but the first three rows!
You should really lighten up on the guy. That's the bride's brother.
You see, drinking is really a matter of algebraic ratios.
How drunk you get is dependent upon how much alcohol you consume...
in relation to your total body weight.
You see my point? It's not that you had a lot to drink...
it's just you're too skinny.
- Marceau, a bunch more drinks here, please! - No, no!
- Freddie, I don't wanna get drunk. - But you are drunk.
You see, a sober person would've reached for the pretzels.
- Is he gonna be there long? - I don't know.
- Aw, I'm on the bar! - You're on the bar!
Come on. Off the bar.
Aw, this stool is in your way. Let me move that for ya.
Uh-oh. You fell.
Ooh, that hurt. Ooh, you're not havin' a good day, are ya?
- Wasn't that a beautiful wedding ceremony? - Aw, that was a beautiful ceremony.
It was... It re...
- It really was. It was a beautiful... - Just the most gorgeous ceremony...
- a lovely... - I've ever seen in my life.
- How're ya doin'? Fabulous Freddie Bauer here. - Okay. Fine. How are you?
- Freddie. - Where'd you get those?
- My grandmother, she left them to me. - She did?
- Yeah. - Boy. They're beautiful.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Y-You guys are in love, aren't you?
We just met.
That doesn't matter. I know about these things.
See, I... I can see, I can tell. You... You two guys, you're in love.
And I think that's... I think that's beautiful.
Thanks.
Uh, listen, I don't live too far from here.
Why don't we just go to my place for a quiet drink, you know?
- I can get this... - Do I expect too much out of life?
- Hey, hey. Look what you did, now. - My dress. I can't believe this.
- Oh, God. - I'm sorry. Here. - Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
- Well, you do it! - Here, let me get this... - Both of you!
- You're both crazy! - I'm sor... I'm sorry. Look. Look.
I don't ask that much, do I? I mean, I know...
I don't ask to be famous and I don't ask to be rich...
and I don't ask to play centre field for the New York Yankees or anything.
I... I just wanna meet a woman.
I wanna meet a woman and, and I wanna fall in love...
and I wanna get married and I wanna have a kid...
and I wanna go and see him play a tooth in his school play.
Is that... It's not much.
But I am... I'm kidding myself. This is never going to happen.
I'm... I'm gonna grow old and I'm...
gonna grow lonely and I'm gonna die and...
I'm gonna be surrounded by a bunch of rotten fruit.
- Oh. No kidding? - Hey...
Freddie.
Allen! Allen! I want you to meet some friends of mine.
- This is Tawny, and this is Jill. - No, I'm Tawny.
You're Tawny! Tawny tiger. And this is Jill, with a four-letter word.
- Hey! - This is my brother Allen.
Hi. Freddie, can I talk to you for a second?
Oh, absolutely. You'll excuse me.
Oh, I'll be right back. We'll whisper some more.
Oh, I got some whispering for you.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, pack your bags tonight, my man. We're goin' to Rio.
These girls have got a timesharing condominium.
- We're gonna share some time with them. - No, no, Freddie.
I... I'm... I'm goin' to Cape Cod.
What? What are you talkin' about? Cape Cod? Why would you go to Cape Cod?
I... I don't know. 'Cause I... 'Cause I like Cape Cod, Freddie. It's...
I feel better up there. I look out the water and I feel closer to something.
- Cape Cod over Rio. - Nature or something.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, yeah.
- Let me drive you. - No, no, no.
- Let me drive you up there. I'll drive. - No, no, no. No, no.
- You got enough money? - Yeah, I got plenty.
- Yeah? - Thanks.
Can I have some, then?
- Where to? - Cape Cod, Massachusetts.
You break that, you pay for it.
Oh, well, I'm sorry. I usually really enjoy smashing the glass with my face.
Okay, Cape Cod, that's about 300 miles. You got the cash?
What is this?
Careful with that.
Be careful with that! What do you think you're loading here?
This is delicate scientific equipment.
Hold it, hold it. Put it down. You see this?
You see that? It says, "This end up." Do you know what that means?
It means this end up. Why don't you try holding that end up?
All right, all right. Get away. I'll do it myself.
Get away! Give me a hand.
Easy.
- Move that end around. - Excuse me!
- Mornin'. - Morning. - Morning.
Uh, I was dropped off on the wrong side of the beach...
and I was wondering if you could take me over to the island?
Well, uh, we're not... We're not going...
We're just... We're taking the boat... We're gonna... We're not going out there!
Well, what, uh... Have you seen anyone else along this beach?
No, just me and the moron twins.
We're not twins.
- What is all this stuff? - I knew it!
Who sent you up here? Dr. Ross from Chicago?
Who-Who's Dr. Ross from Chicago?
Oh. "Who's Dr. Ross?" You're good. You're very good.
I suppose you're just some harmless beachcomber...
who happens to wear a tuxedo!
How dare you try and horn in on someone else's research!
- Look, I'm just a guy trying to get out... - Walter Kornbluth is not a man to be taken advantage of.
So you just stay out of my way, sonny.
All right, let's move out!
There's a guy down the beach runs people out to the island.
What's the name?
The guy or the island?
I'll find him.
What's the matter? You look a little nervous.
Yeah, well, the truth of the matter is, Fat Jack...
I've, uh, I don't know how to swim.
- You can't swim? - No, sir.
Then you wouldn't want me to do this!
Stop! Cut... No, please!
Cut it out! Please! There's water coming in the boat!
- Aw, just havin' a little fun. - Well, don't do that.
What is that? What's the matter?
I-I guess when I rocked the boat, I must've got a little water in the engine.
I can fix it. I'm mechanical.
- Did you fix it yet? - No, uh...
- I'll go back for the other boat. - What?
Where are you going, Mr. Fat Jack?
Back to the dock. It's only a few miles.
I can swim it. I'll be back with the little boat.
The little boat?
I knew it.
I knew that guy was spying on me!
I wanna go down!
Hey, Mr. "Cornbeef."
Kornbluth.
What you lookin' for down there? Buried treasure?
Wanna know what I'm lookin' for, boys? I'll tell ya.
None of your goddam business, that's what I'm lookin' for!
Get outta my way!
Let's pee down his air hose.
- Yeah. - You get that.
Piece of shit.
Aw, gee.
Ouch!
Hello.
Do you have any idea how I, I got here? Did you save me?
Uh, do you... Do you speak English?
Hey, come back! Hey, come back, please!
Just... Just tell me who you are!
I gotta talk to you! C-Can I call you?
What's your number? I don't know how to swim.
Come back!
Oh, why didn't I learn how to swim? Please, just...
It's a mermaid! It's her!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Don't go!
Come back! I gotta take your picture.
All right. Ready. Hold it!
- Hi, Mrs. Stimler. - Hi.
What happened to your head? Lighting?
- Uh, no, no, a boat hit me. - Oh.
- Uh, Mrs... Mrs. Stimler? - Yes?
- Nothing. - So nice to have you back.
Welcome to the Statue of Liberty.
The statue is a gift from French citizens...
and has come to symbolize hope for oppressed peoples everywhere.
Over the course of a century, Miss Liberty has seen the New York skyline...
which once she dwarfed, rise in great mountains of stone and steel.
Now if you'll go inside, Miss Simkins will continue the tour.
Come. Come on. Here we go. Let's go. We're backin' up.
Come on. Here we go. Come on. Okay, okay.
You got feet, use 'em. Don't touch my hat.
Do not ever touch my hat. That's it. That's it.
Up, up, up, up, up, up. Okay.
Welcome to the Statue of Liberty.
The statue is a gift from French citizens...
and has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere.
Boccie balls!
Hey, hey, hey! Come on. Hey! Don't be doin' that.
Vinnie, take a picture of me. Get a picture of me. Vinnie!
Take my picture! Take my picture! Got it? You get it? You get it all?
The statue was a... was a gift from... see, from French people.
Get outta the way. Let me see what's goin' on...
Oh, okay, missy. This ain't California.
We don't go for this stuff here. Come on.
- Boo! Boo! - Boo! Boo! Boo!
Take care!
- What's your name, miss? - She don't speak no English.
- And you do? - Uh, here. She was carryin' this.
What's this?
Who's this guy?
- Is that enough or you want some more? - No, no, that's plenty.
That's all the business we can handle. Let's talk terms.
- But he doesn't have the slightest clue what's goin' on... - Don't worry about it.
- We'll move it out first thing in the morning. - Uh, Bauer.
Your brother told me about your unfortunate experience in Vietnam.
Huh?
The incident in Vietnam. Remember?
The grenade going off in your helmet. Does it still bother you?
- You're wearing a bandage. - Yeah, he's here. Hey, Allen.
- Yeah? - Phone.
Uh, excuse me, okay?
- Thanks, Jerry. - Yeah. - Yeah?
Allen Bauer. Yeah, speaking.
- Yeah! On my way! - I believe this is, uh...
Allen? Allen, where are you going?
Allen!
- What happened? - Telephone.
See, he was on the phone in 'Nam when the grenade went off...
and ever since then he runs...
and gets in a car and drives away.
- Oh. - I don't know why. It just happens.
- Oh. - Let's review this.
- You got a license plate? - No, I don't have a license plate.
- I live across the street! - Pardon me? Excuse me! Hey, yo!
- Mr. Police Officer, sir. - Hey!
Take it easy! What do you want?
Bauer. My name is Allen Bauer, and you guys called me.
- Hey! Did any of you guys call for an Allen Bauer? - Allen Bauer.
Bauer. Oh, yeah. That's, uh, for her.
Right over there.
Hi.
I take it you know this girl?
- Yeah, I do. - Who is she?
- I don't know. - Of course.
Afternoon, Mr. Bauer. You're home early today.
Yeah.
Uh, yeah. That, uh... That doorway spins, see.
It spins around. You wanna get this fixed, Timmy?
Right.
- Hi. - Hello.
Sunshine headin' my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-ay
Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder
It's the truth It's actual
Everything is satisfactual
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh, my what a wonderful day
Hi. Room service. I didn't know what you liked, so I got you a choice.
You got Fruity Pebbles, some pancakes, some omelettes.
No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I have got to get back to work.
That'll keep you company while I'm gone. Now when I come back to work...
in a couple of hours, we'll go out and get some dinner...
and we'll also pick you up some clothes.
Not that you don't look spectacular in my robe.
Okay? Bye-bye.
No. No, no, no, please. Please, no. You're gonna put me in a hospital.
Uh, it's about 3:00 already. I really have to get back to work.
You are wonderful.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Things really don't get started down there again till 4:00 anyway.
Now let's not be so choosy with these onions, all right?
Come on. Some of these are perfectly good onions.
Hey, everybody! Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay Hey, Manuel!
My, oh, my what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-ay
Mr. Mango on my shoulder
- Freddie, dance with me! - Wait!
- Not in front of the Teamsters! Come on! - Oh, come on, come on.
- They're happy guys. - You're a rotten lead.
Look, I got the Buyrite contracts ready. Uh, you wanna check 'em out?
No, no! You check 'em. You check 'em. You know the business, Freddie.
- Ooh, so I'm in charge. - Sure.
Well, what about the lawyer's meeting tonight at 8:00?
8:00? 8:00 p. M? No, no. That's too late for me, Freddie.
Listen. I'm, I'm gonna go upstairs to the office. I'm gonna take a nap.
You wake me when it's time to go home.
Zip-a-dee... Jerry, hang on...
Anne Klein.
Bloomingdale's.
Anne Klein.
Bloomingdale's.
The Anne Klein collection available in New York at Bloomingdale's.
Can I help you, miss?
Can't you talk?
- Bloomingdale's? - Oh, sure. Hey!
Oh, my God.
Darling, darling, darling.
That outfit, it's to die from.
And what happened? You saw Annie Hall a hundred times?
That look is over.
You wanna try that on? Who knows? Maybe it's you.
It isn't me. I couldn't get one leg in there.
My daughter, on the other hand, is lucky. She's anorexic.
Please call again. Don't forget these.
And why don't you do yourself a favor and stop in the lingerie department.
A pretty girl like you shouldn't be wearing boxer shorts.
- But now, Revlon changes mascara forever. - Let me try! What a cool taste.
Let me try! Mom!
Colgate winter-fresh gel is a creamy blue gel packed with...
And now, we continue with Capitol.
Wear the adjustable-angle mascara... Flex Appeal by Revlon.
It's waterproof. Or try the new easy-to-remove...
Maximum fluoride protection in a great-tasting gel.
This is it! It's Crazy Eddie's greatest clearance sale ever.
Crazy Eddie's slashing prices on specially-marked items...
in his enormous inventory... stereo equipment, video equipment...
color TV's, car stereos, CB's, telephone equipment...
disco equipment and professional products.
Plus an unbelievable selection of floor samples and demonstrators...
all with full manufacturers warranties and most priced at or below cost.
It's Crazy Eddie's greatest clearance sale ever...
going on right now with prices that are insane!
Crazy Eddie. Twelve great locations... Manhattan, the Bronx...
Brooklyn, Syosset, Paramus, East Brunswick, Union...
Westchester, Westbury and Norwalk.
Everything is satisfactual Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay Hello?
Hey, I'm home!
- I'm looking for a girl, Timmy. - Two hundred bucks.
No, no, no, no. The one I came in with this afternoon. The blonde.
- Oh, she left. - Any idea where she went?
- Well, I put her in a cab. - To where? To where, Timmy? Where?
- Bloomingdale's. - Bloomingdale's. Great. Thanks.
Yo! Hey, taxi!
Hey! Oh, taxi, wait!
She works hard for the money
- So hard for it, honey - Come on! Come on! Let's go!
She works hard for the money so you better treat her right
Excuse me, miss, we're, uh, getting ready to close.
- She's been here for six hours. - She works hard for the money
So hard for it, honey
Uh, excuse me, miss. I'm going to have to insist that, uh...
that, uh, you stop doing that.
Come on. Hold that step again.
She's, uh, she's exercising.
- Wonders where she is And it's strange to her - Give her a minute.
- Sir! Sir, we're closing. Sir. - Yeah, yeah. I know. I know.
- Just give me three minutes. - Come back.
Three minutes! You can time me!
One of them got through, too, and they was rescued.
Oh! Thank God.
Excuse me. Do you know this woman?
Yeah, yeah, I do. Just don't ask me what her name is.
Well, we've been trying to tell her that it's closing time, but, uh...
she doesn't seem to understand.
Yeah, well, that's because she doesn't speak any English at all.
Hello, Allen. How was your day?
Uh, excuse me. I never went to college, but, uh, wasn't that English?
Thank you for letting me use your television.
It was very educational.
It's all right, miss.
Uh, what's your name?
It's hard to say in English.
Well, just say it in your language.
All right. My name is...
Hey, how 'bout those Knicks?
I'm confused. Why is it you haven't said anything to me until now?
- I didn't know English. - Oh, I see. And now you do?
Yes, I learned this afternoon from television. It's wonderful.
Now I can ask you questions, and if you answer them correctly...
you can win one of these valuable prizes... an attractive wall clock...
a matching washer and dryer set, or a brand new car!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me go first, okay?
Who are you? Where are you from?
Just begin when you were born and-and finish up...
right when you blew up the TVs.
Pretty.
Well, uh, yeah.
I've never really thought about it before, but yeah.
Are you from Cape Cod?
No, I'm from another place.
Oh, yeah? I got a cousin from there.
- Are you an American? - No.
Well, then why were you in Cape Cod? And why are you now in New York?
And how was it that the cops found you naked?
- What's that? - What? The music?
Music. I like it. I heard some in the television.
- Dance Fever. - Yeah, yeah
I love ya, girl Darlin', darlin'
Uh, hi, hi. We better go, hon, or else we'll be late.
- You never heard music? - What's that?
Uh...
- Oh, gosh. - Jesus Christ! Are you stupid? - What's that? - It's a movie theatre.
What the hell are you doin'? You're gonna get me killed!
Cut her some slack! She's from out of town, huh?
- Why don't you keep her on a leash? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a nice day. Hello?
Did you see this? It's wonderfully delicious...
and so good for you.
So while you're here, maybe you oughta watch a little less TV.
Uh, how, uh, how long are you gonna be in town?
Six fun-filled days.
Oh, six days. Is that all?
Six days.
When the moon is full.
Oh.
When the moon is full.
If I stay longer than that, I can't ever go back.
Oh, I get... What? Is there some sort of immigration problem or something?
Where did you get that? Where...
Oh, for...
Sir? Here you are, sir. There you go.
You know, I'm gonna have to call you something in English...
because I can't even pronounce the... what, the...
- What are English names? - Well, English... Well, there's millions of 'em, I guess.
Uh, Jennifer, Joanie, Hillary...
Careful. Hey. Those are hot. Remember that.
See, names, names. Uh, Linda, Kim...
Where are we? Madison. Uh, Elizabeth...
- Madison. - Samantha. - Madison. I like Madison.
Well, Madison's not a name.
Well, all-all right. Okay. Fine. Madison it is.
Good thing we weren't at 149th Street.
Are we going back to where you live now?
Okay, uh, here's the thing.
I was gonna find you a hotel.
But I figure that after this afternoon...
Well, I... I mean, I just assumed that...
Would-Would you mind staying with me?
I want to stay with you.
You're the reason I came here.
- Uh, th-that was a kiss. - I know.
Madison?
- Madison? - Allen?
Yeah, of course it's Allen.
- What are you doing, sweetheart? - Taking a bath.
- Can I come in? - No!
What was that? M-Madison, are you all right?
- Everything's fine. - Well, then let me in.
I'm... I'll be right there. I'm just changing.
Enough is enough, Madison. Come on. Open the door. Something is wrong.
Allen, can you make me some pancakes?
Make you some... Madison.
All right, Madison. This is getting scary. You either open up this door...
- or I'm gonna break it down. - No, Allen. Please.
- All right. That's it. - Allen, no! No!
- Hi. - Hi.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Well, why wouldn't you let me in?
I was shy.
You were shy? After the car and the elevator...
and the bedroom and on top of the refrigerator, you were shy?
I was shy.
She was shy.
- Hey, B.B. Brain! - Yeah?
Do you see this hose?
- This is so I can breathe. - Uh-huh.
Do you wanna get your chair off it?
Huh?
- The Star Confidential? - Yeah.
- Why are you reading that? - I don't know.
What possesses the uneducated to purchase these things?
- It's interesting. - You're not helping yourself.
You're not... What? This is not news.
Give me this. You know what's in here? Nothing!